Abusive physical contact always causes resistance as control and force always create negative resistance, the abuser cannot control the abused by physical contact. The abuser tries to avoid physical contact and prefers to use psychological abuse, however they create such emotional torture that physical contact is usually the end result.
The abuser wants the abused to follow, and will often use manipulation to create an abstract philosophy, an idea is tangible and hard to diminish or prove or disprove, but physical violence is firm and concrete and so therefore cannot be manipulated it either happened or it did not happen, as physical contact leaves evidence it cannot be denied.
What is the best way to avoid getting involved with an abuser?
The abusive conduct of the abuser is virtually none existent at first it would take a trained observer to notice the signs. The abusive inner self grows increasingly, you may get a few warning signs (usually seen in hindsight) but it is a short sharp shock, when you see the first evidence of abuse.
It is easy to put the behaviour to tiredness or stress, social situations, but remember this is the way that the abusive inner self behaves when tired or stressed, and tiredness and stress are part of the modern life.
Thus think carefully about what you are doing and justifying abusive behaviour before it takes hold and becomes the norm. Remember that loyalty and endurance are central traits that the abuser looks for in a person, because they have high levels of patience and a positive view that things will change, that the abuser can change.
Once the abuse starts it rarely decreases but will normally only increase as it becomes more and more usual and accepted.
What is the best way to handle an abusive relationship?
You need to avoid isolation, because the abusive inner self will work to manipulate events to keep you isolated and alone, to keep you separated from the outside world.
What is the best way to end an abusive relationship?
To become independent and establish a new social life, realizing the potential of change, dismiss the fear of ending and closing the chapter and starting a new chapter in your life.
How to give advice to someone in abusive relationship?
It is difficult for people to fully understand the situation the abused finds themselves in an abusive relationship. Remember to listen and be supportive the abused needs support, not conflict, they need allies to repair their self esteem. Careful preparations need to be made for the abused to feel safe enough and confident to leave a relationship, take things slowly and be patient.
How can you stop being an abuser yourself?
When your moods are in such direct opposition you cannot carry out any radical changes as your points of view are too divergent. You should limit yourself to creating gradual changes in small matters.
Are abusers attracted to the abused or vice versa?
It may seem that this is true, because you may feel that it seems likely that abusive relationships are formed between two people. However these relationships can form and deform at any age, between any two people regardless of age, race, social status or culture.
It may be that in new or past relationships the abused can become the abuser or vice versa.
People are not the abusers or the abused, but abusive conduct can take place, in certain people when all the relevant conditions are met within a social relationship and environment.
Does it follow that if you were abused you will become an abuser yourself?
No, it does not follow that an abused person will become an abuser themselves, we are all individuals and we all respond differently to the similar social phenomena. Many abused individuals can go on to live happy social lives and happy healthy relationships and families.
Success Coaching: Abusive Conduct (3) by Brian C Nissen
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